Am I Dreaming?

Saturday, August 16

 
okay, it's working again. my xanga site...
Elisabeth 10:22 AM

Friday, August 15

 
so anyway... xanga hasn't been working out lately. once it is working, though, i'll be back on it. so, the news for now...

guess what? i'm anemic. and pissed. (anemia is iron deficiency... ) so now i'm taking a supplement which provides me with 361% of my % Daily Value (of iron). only i'm taking it twice. why am i so annoyed? i don't know... excitingly, my running should improve a bunch. like a bunch of bananas. only not. so that's way super cool... in a way? cause i've been feeling crappy but like not bad... so this could be fun... :-)

my sister and i went to wild waves today and looked way super hot. it's tough to be this good looking, let me tell you. *rolls eyes* we did get a discount when we bought our tickets to get in, though. that was cool. ummmmm... yeah.

so other than that, i don't got much.

quote of the day: "You love your shoes because they give you a litte tongue." - Who's Line is it Anyway?
Elisabeth 10:13 PM

Tuesday, July 1

 
okay... i think i'm moving.

not MOVING moving... but from blogger to xanga. check it out... i'm just getting kind of annoyed with this thing. thinking xanga will be more interesting. anyway... going to be late for work as it is.
Elisabeth 8:58 AM

Sunday, June 29

 
and i kissed you in a style clark gable would've admired... i thought it classic...

:-)


Elisabeth 11:06 PM

Saturday, June 28

 
it's a shame that i cannot spell at 1:anything in the morning. argh, like 3.5 hours of sleep. i am very much going to be sleeping on the ferry. shower time!
Elisabeth 7:05 AM

 
running is definately not happening at all now.

:-)


Elisabeth 1:17 AM

 
suddenly i am very tired.

screw running tomorrow morning. :-P
Elisabeth 12:22 AM

Thursday, June 26

 
dude, my whole blogger thing has changed... i am liking this. :-)

ummm yeah i need to get serious about this sleeping thing. at least i've started drinking water. between yesterday after i ran and right now (so a span of about 21 hours) i have drank about 3 liters of water. that's about 3 liters more than i usually drink. yay for me!!!!!! hopefully i won't feel so crappy when i go running today. yesterday i had to cut my run short (run ONLY 6 miles instead of 8... haha whatever) because i couldn't run very well and i'm not THAT out of shape. i hope. :-) but really, i need so much more sleep... so very much more... zzzzzzzzzzzz...

work is actually pretty nice now that my meds are all working and stuff... i pulled lots of weeds today and my fingertips are sore for it (and the last two days as well) but it's relaxing to destroy things and listen to hard rock. ahhh...

other than that kristin is coming over to run in a few minutes (YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!) which is so way super cool. she's been at camp so probably has tons of cool things and i've been... at home... yay. so yeah, anyway, hopefully she'll want to run like really easy and stuff. that would be cool with me. maybe she'll not want to run at all and we can nap! haha... i forgot there is nowhere in my room to sleep except for this one place on the floor big enough for me. scratch the nap idea. running it is.

time to throw on the running clothes. and eat something. woot. :-)


Elisabeth 2:27 PM

Tuesday, June 24

 
mmm... this stay up until 2am then get up 4.5 hours later thing isn't doing it for me. i should probably not do that anymore. stop distracting me!!!!!!! okay, so i totally do it to myself, but whatever. hmm... i have to leave for WORK in like 25 minutes. maybe i should go change out of my gross sweaty running clothes or something. hmmm still not a morning runner, despite my best efforts. i'm really good at sleeping in the mornings, though... sooo if you ever need me to do that for you and you want to pay me for it or something, i'd be more than happy to do that. i really want to change the template for my blog again, but then i have to redo all of the links and stuff. mostly i'm lazy. but this green color is starting to get to me.

i'm going to wear my pants with the handprints on the butt to work today. the one good thing about working outside is that i can wear stuff like that... but um it still doesn't compensate for the green growing stuff that makes me sneeze. TIME FOR MEDS!!!! hmmm... should be interesting. luckily i'm only working for 3.5 hours. hehe. :-)

yay for summer... or something.


Elisabeth 8:20 AM

Monday, June 23

 
quote of the day in response to my question of "can i get you anything?":

"Besides a beer? Or a margarita? Or a pitcher of sangria? How about a large bottle of wine with a straw? Oh, I know... Valium!"

:-)


Elisabeth 3:08 PM

 
worth reading - the article looks a lot longer than it really is.
Elisabeth 12:12 PM

 
been up over an hour and have done nothing. this laziness must stop.

after i nap.


Elisabeth 11:13 AM

Sunday, June 22

 
okay so last night i wrote this big old long post and it was really way super cool (i finished it at like 2 something in the morning so it had to be!) and then blogger erased it. grr!!! SO... here we go.

again.

FRIDAY!!!!
friday i did some baking, some cleaning, and much strong bad email watching. yay for strong bad. and if you haven't gotten into it yet, www.homestarrunner.com- seriously, way super cool. then i went over to kelli's house and we had much fun and how could we not?! then i went home and went to barnes and noble with jamie, katie, cindy, and kathy for the midnight release of HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!! okay, so i started the book and realize that i need to reread the first 4 or so because it's been years literally since i've read them. BUT it was so way super cool seeing all of the cranky little kids and dressed up adults in a packed bookstore. went home, read harry potter, fell asleep on the couch, got up at 4, got in bed, and then...

SATURDAY!!!!!!!
nothing really happened today.

haha! just kidding! i woke up, ate some food, went running, katie dressed me, i changed, went to the ferry and it was POURING!!!! so glad that i changed and hadn't done my hair. so we picked up nate from the ferry and then drove home to change. then we all went grocery shopping for stuff for dinner. nate and i hung out with kelli for a few hours which was way much fun... caffiene+kelli+me is an interesting time. if you're bored you should try it.

katie made the best most yummiest dinner EVER!!!! she is such an awesome cook. after dinner we watched some random tv, then nate and i braved bremerton to get to the ferry. i braved bremerton once again, came home, talked on IM, wrote the email, dinked around, went to bed at 4am which leads me to...

SUNDAY SUNDAY SOMEDAY!!!!
my mom woke me up at freaking 10am!!!! holy crap, i didn't think i'd sleep that late. then i've been trying to clean my room, but as you may have noticed i'm procrastinating. so yeah. that's it. drinking coffee. and typing. plans for the day include going through all of my crap, hoping katie will help me go through all of my crap, and going for my long run. yay for lower mileage weeks when my long run takes not much over an hour. :-)

and that is all. i think.

and blogger, you can kiss my ass.


Elisabeth 11:42 AM

Thursday, June 19

 
i think today is the first time i've been homesick, actually, for bellingham.


Elisabeth 7:25 PM

 
A POEM BY BETH
went to camp tuesday

came home today

i don't feel like running

i just want a shower


Elisabeth 3:07 PM

Monday, June 16

 
hollywood video doesn't want me. my life has no meaning anymore.

moving on, tomorrow i leave for cross country camp. i'm nervous, but that's okay... i'm only gone through thursday afternoon. and i'll have people to run with for a couple of days! that's always a nice thing to have.

oooh i'm going to get a phone call!
Elisabeth 10:21 PM

Sunday, June 15

 
i figure i should blog something... so yeah, i'm home only to depart on tuesday to go to XC CAMP!!! :-) i'm kinda scared because i get to play "adult" and "assistant coach"... oh boy. this could be an interesting two days... but i get to run. yay!

my room is a COMPLETE wreck but that happens sometimes. like when you come home from school and dump everything onto the floor... and it isn't even my stuff from school. fuck. :-)

ummm i have to get up at 6am tomorrow morning so i can wash my hair... blah lots of coffee for me! then i get to leave by 7, drive around, hopefully find out about whether or not i can get a job and then go from there. i think i'm hanging out with kristin too. we'll go through stuff so we can separate out what's mine and what's hers. good times!!! :-)

if i don't get the job, i can work at white pass for 3 weeks straight! holy shit do you know how cool that would be? i would be sooo dead by the end, but it would be worth it. hmmm... i dunno. so confused.

this is not a particularly uplifting blog. i'm done.


Elisabeth 11:18 PM

Friday, June 13

 
i ended up napping for like two hours this morning- i just got too tired. packing out was good- dad and i did a fabulous job! it's really sad being gone from my home away from home... but is my home away from home now my home and my home is my home away from home? i think i need to stick some numbers on these things. but anyway, my rationale is that most everyone else is leaving too so it wouldn't be the same. i just want another quarter with everyone. and some sun. i like that.

so my family left me alone... i'm running around in this way cute skirt my sister got for *free* just to give to ME, and a t-shirt. my dad told me if that was what i was dressed in to go out-i looked cute, but i had no sense. i said it was a good thing i wasn't going anywhere.

too much to do... i'm beginning with laundry. clothes are good... but mine are all put away at the moment excepting the ones in the laundry, so i need to do the wash. yay, just started it. clean clothes in a couple hours. AND no laundry card. maybe i'll go move furniture. i need some distractions.


Elisabeth 3:53 PM

 
it's starting to get light...


Elisabeth 4:08 AM

 
pulling the all night packing thing. it's 3:30 right now and i'm really getting tired. too bad my room is a wreck and i took all of the bed stuff off of the... um... bed. all of my stuff multiplied. seriously. weird. and it's driving me up a wall. it'll all fit going home, but man. would have been nice if my roommate had done a little more... and holy shit the living room is so messy yet. *sigh*

two and a half months until cross country camp.

:-)


Elisabeth 3:32 AM

Thursday, June 12

 
i think i'm going to end up running like 2 miles maybe today or something. eh, fuck running. it's my last night in bellingham! pass the allergy meds!

um... if only i could find them in the mess that is my room...

i've said "fuck" a lot today in my blog.

eh, whatever.

and you know what's coming next.

fuck it.
Elisabeth 2:50 PM

 
i fucking hate my neighbors and their fucking loud music.

fuck.

:-)


Elisabeth 12:30 PM

Wednesday, June 11

 
fucking papers. maybe i should just go and get some good yummy coffee, relax for a few, and then come back to it. might not be a bad idea.
Elisabeth 7:15 PM

 
more interesting material for you to read! mostly i really like the name... i haven't looked over the site a whole lot, but hopefully it contains some interesting information or something you might find useful. if you get a chance, email me and let me know what you think! back in the VU typing away on my paper. i have entered part two of my paper. lacking any sort of transition that sounded intelligent, i have decided to divide my paper into parts I, II, and III. very creative, i know. back to work!


Elisabeth 5:08 PM

 
shit... :-P the first FIVE PAGES of my paper are devoted to eating disorders. FUCKING FIVE PAGES!!!! I CAN"T BELIEVE IT! now i just have to relate it all to my class... this could be interesting. it's only 1:37 right now... i have until 3:30 tomorrow to get it done. it's okay. i just wrote a page in about an hour... so at this rate my paper is only going to take me like another 10 hours to complete. i've got all night baby. ;-) i think the next four pages will take the longest to complete because they are research based, but the last few are just whatever i want to say... so i'm good to go. *sigh* i'm so in paper writing mode right now. too bad the computer is going to be due in like 40 minutes and i'll have to go home. BUT i get to go to fairhaven and get a cookie with a friend i haven't seen in a while. adequate compensation... :-) i can always come back later, and i think that is what i'll be doing.

okay, back to work!!


Elisabeth 1:43 PM

Tuesday, June 10

 
so yeah, it'd be nice to get something productive towards SCHOOL done when studying for english, but somehow that sort of productveness seems to happen in limited quantities. so yeah, i'm hoping i can pull something out of somewhere for my final... i just need to be confident. i've done the reading, i've been in class for lecture, and i can smell my dirty running clothes on the floor from here. lordy. whatever, who am i trying to impress? :-)

despite my night of sleepless lack of english related topics, it was good. too bad i only got like 4 hours of sleep. PASS THE COFFEE!!

ENGLISH 309, HERE I COME!!!!


Elisabeth 9:15 AM

Monday, June 9

 
so what do you do when your allergy meds just don't work?

you bitch a whole lot and buy a box of tissues. :-)

Elisabeth 8:44 PM

 
hmmm... on the second page of my 15 page paper... i see many many hours in the library tomorrow working on it. holy shit. but i have everything down, i just need to back everything up and that is slowing me down quite a lot. this is going to be soooo awesome when i am done. i am writing on extreme fasting in the middle ages and how it relates to modern day anorexia... mostly just a paper that gives me an excuse to do research i was going to do anyway. but now it has even more purpose! hmm... 4 minutes to get this computer turned in. AHHHHH!!!! RUN!!!!

ps thanks for the cookies ;-)
Elisabeth 3:45 PM

 
so the morning begins with me sleeping in way super later than i thought i would be, sneezing, and the thought of impending doom brought on by the knowlege that at this time tomorrow (plus an hour or something) i'll be taking a final.

time to hit the spark notes.

i don't want this year to end anymore.


Elisabeth 9:59 AM

Sunday, June 8

 
i found my missing self this morning.........

...on a trail.........

.............. up a hill........................

...... running.




Elisabeth 11:47 AM

Saturday, June 7

 
i'm allergic to someething in my room. holy fuck.


Elisabeth 2:00 PM

 
and God created allergies WHY?!


Elisabeth 11:13 AM

Friday, June 6

 
talk about a pbi challenge... today i went to lake padden with two of my girls... and wore a two piece bathing suit.

*gasp*

it was a little disconcerting because:
1) there were a lot of people there
2) EVERYONE was checking out EVERYONE ELSE
3) there were some really hot girls there... honestly i didn't really pay any attention to the guys... i think i was feeling overly self concious.

but on the whole i was really proud of myself for wearing a two piece (even if i did end up wearing shorts over the bottoms... maybe someday... :-) ). "well, how is it different from running in a sports bra and shorts?" i hear you ask... well, usually i avoid populated areas AND i'm moving pretty fast so my stomach looks more fit and no one can look for very long. like anyone gives a fuck anyway. i talked to one of my friends last night for a while about bathing suits and stuff... and really i'm projecting how i feel about my body onto everyone else... most people are insecure to some degree. and yeah. it was good for me i think... maybe i'll even get a two piece bathing suit. like i have anywhere to wear it. but whatever.

:-)

concert tonight!!!!
Elisabeth 6:59 PM

 
1) ariel font can make a 6 page paper turn into a 7 page paper

2) i am never going to sleep tonight because i took two naps

3) chocolate is really good, and better even when melty

4) i drank some coke

5) that was a really stupid thing to do, considering i took two naps

6) conclusions suck

7) karl is much better at making lists than i am

8) hi karl

9) people can make very comfortable pillows

10) Much madness is divinest sense/To a discerning eye

11) my discerning eye isn't shutting

12) mmm... chocolate

13) i really like vanilla ice cream in ice cream cones, especially near the bottom of the cone... but not in the pointy cones, the flat bottom {sugar?} cones.

14) tomorrow is my last day of english 309

15) i haven't been very productive tonight

16) since i'm not sleeping i should probably work

17) kristin saved me... thanks for the font tip

18) ariel font is so fucking cool

19) yatta boys are HOT

20) i'm going to work now
Elisabeth 12:18 AM

Thursday, June 5

 
i'm on the 6th page aout to leap onto the 7th, finished with all analysis and onto the conlusion. i'm fucked. maybe they'll accept a seven page paper instead. maybe i'll be docked points. i feel i've exhausted everything. speaking of exhausted, i think i really really need a nap and a break from my paper before i try and finish it.

*note: i'm stressing so everything seems worse than it is.*

plus i'm really tired. that doesn't help either.

oh yeah, i tried bubble tea today... weird stuff. i don't think i am a big fan. but i tried it! been wanting to do it, got the chance, did it, and now i am going to go sleep.

good night.
Elisabeth 5:36 PM

 
so i run into this girl i know and she tells me that she never realized how short i am... except instead of short she said "petite"... or however you spell that. again, it's my blog so i can do whatever, spell however, and yeah. it was kinda funny... yes, i'm only 5'3.5"! lol whatever i usually only see her when we are running opposite directions.

so i got 3 pages done on my paper and have another 4-5 to do today... right now i am not brainfried and enjoying the feeling before i totally stress out this afternoon. must remember to print out my paper before i return the computer with WIRELESS INTERNET that i am using. maybe at some point i'll be able to get over this wireless internet thing, but until then...

the weird thing about not running for a couple of days is that is messes with my apetite... i'm not hungry AT ALL. and i've been up for a couple of hours. hmmm... WEIRD.

okay, paper time.


Elisabeth 9:17 AM

Wednesday, June 4

 
holy shit okay, earlier today i was using wireless internet outside! now i am using it inside, but oh my gosh this is the coolest thing in the world. i seriously emailed soooo many people when i was using it outside... okay maybe really like 4 of you, but whatever. okay, time to finish a paper, loves!

if you could only see the way she loves me, maybe you would understand...
Elisabeth 6:04 PM

 
i think i'm paranoid.


Elisabeth 9:26 AM

Monday, June 2

 
How's your day
Did it go your way but
You never ask about it...
-goo goo dolls

fuck paper writing.


Elisabeth 9:41 AM

Sunday, June 1

 
this is worth reading, loves... recovery is possible!

and please go check out the eating disorder websites i've posted under stuff you should check out... it's just to the left. :-)


Elisabeth 9:43 PM

 
started reading The Princess Diaries... it's really pretty funny so far. yay, more to distract me when i am supposed to be writing my papers this week.
Elisabeth 7:04 PM

Saturday, May 31

 
okay, so it's 1:30 in the morning... i am sooooo going to pay for this tomorrow when i wake up at 8am and have to run. maybe i won't run. wow, what a concept. you know, my legs are tired and i don't know that i want to wait until the half marathon to take my time off. and another day off this week won't kill me.

*smiles*

so i'm sitting at home right now eating some ice cream because i can. the "because i can" refering to being home AND, more importantly, eating the ice cream. damn, that suff was good. :-) the drive home was alright... a little rainy for the beginning, but otherwise not too much traffic to complain about and the music was good. mostly.

i really really like the name alexander. if i were a boy, i would want my name to be alexander.

alexander alexander alexander.

hmmm... what else? tomorrow i get to drive around with my girls and my sister! she's one of my girls, but i thought that i would specify since usually she isn't included in the group because we live a couple hundred miles away from one another. i am so excited she gets to go though! i was so running around the house earlier tonight out of sheer excitement. in a completely unrelated thought... lordy i miss my mom's humor. sarcasm is not a big thing in college, oddly enough. :-P

How's your day
Did it go your way but
You never ask about it...

and i'm sure gnomes have better places to hide than in storage closets... :-)


Elisabeth 1:36 AM

Friday, May 30

 
okay, i was really tired and in a bad mood earlier today, but now i am in a better mood. yay!!!! anyway... heading home soon. *excited*

new condom for my collection! i'm up to 6!

peace.
Elisabeth 6:09 PM

 
:-P


Elisabeth 11:14 AM

Thursday, May 29

 
holy shit i have the coolest friends in the world...

i walk in the door and BAM! we are celebrating my birthday today!!!!! mmm... balloons, streamers, and most importantly, a cake. omg this so made my day... maybe even my week. :-)

i love my girls.



Elisabeth 5:56 PM

 
i really need to do work this morning, but i am much more interested in turning on windows media player and listening to tool while watching the visualization. *blushes* yeah, i'm a loser. it's okay.

maybe i ought to mention it was never my intention to harm or your kin. are you so scared to look within? the ghosts are crawling on our skin. we may race and we may run, we'll not undo what has been done or change the moment when it's gone...

i know it would be outrageous to come on all courageous and offer you my hand to pull you up on to dry land, when all i got is sinking sand...

love's a raven when it flies...


Elisabeth 9:22 AM

Wednesday, May 28

 
sweeeeeet!!! my book for my research project is IN at the library. that makes me very happy. i can do some reading today, and then hopefully start my research project. and for anyone who talked to me yesterday when i was swearing up a storm, thanks for being patient. :-)

okay, guess what? (go on, guess!) i can make good coffee finally! it's taken a while, but i can make it about 85% of the time! it's really a big thing. too bad i figured it out so close to the end of the year... actually, i really am happy that school is going to be out soon, but really sad at the same time because it's taken the whole of my sophomore year for things to be really cool.
so now they are and i have two and a half weeks left. oh the irony. :-P

lordy my hair annoys me.

meet me in outerspace... :-)



Elisabeth 11:13 AM

Tuesday, May 27

 
somewhat sleep deprived, i took three naps today- two of them in the same english class. oops. well... we really weren't doing anything that terribly exciting, so i decided that sleeping would be a viable option to paying attention. then i ended up taking a nap when my meeting got cancelled...

i'm doing an evening run tonight and very much looking forward to it... i really need it. my legs were tired this morning, but i'm hoping that time, warmth, and running on flat will be enough to not have them feel quite so crappy.

it seems to me so very odd that i have, on one hand, a friend that is very excited to gain weight and looks at the backs of packages and says "ooh, calories are good, right?" then on the other hand, have a friend that is (no exaggeration) going to put herself in the hospital because she's terrified of gaining weight. i don't understand.

run run run run run run run run run run run...


Elisabeth 5:56 PM

Monday, May 26

 
holy crap tonight i had the weirdest conversation...

...i think i just really need some sleep.

maybe i should go to bed.

what a novel idea.
Elisabeth 10:06 PM

 
i feel weird... hopefully i'm just really tired. :-P
Elisabeth 8:53 PM

 
ouch! i feel really beat up today. i think playing frisbee did it to me... yeah, so i can run 10 miles straight and be left feeling a little tired the next day, but oh man bust out the frisbee and it's all over. i'm annoyed with my body. i think not sleeping regularly isn't helping either... tonight i shall make a valient effort to remedy my sleeplessness. if i can fall asleep that is. i'm wandering now.

i must remember that tomorrow is tuesday so that i go to all of the right classes (ie wake up for badminton!). i can't get it out of my head that tomorrow is monday- thankfully it isn't.

tonight, fajitas for dinner! did i spell that right? sure, why not. it's my blog, anyway. i'm really exicited. :-)


Elisabeth 4:13 PM

Sunday, May 25

 
*ahem*

okay, so i slept for two and a half hours and i feel much better, although a little out of it. i feel bad 'cause i know my suitemates wanted to vacuum (just come out when you wake up or something so we know when you're awake) but i guess they got tired of waiting for me so they left to go and get some coffee. meanwhile, i was napping and i ended up talking to karl mid-nap (phone call) and i have no idea what the fuck i said. i think he asked if i wanted to go watch ski to sea or something and i have no idea what came out of my mouth. ooh, but i guess i asked how he did and it sounded like he did well, so yay!!! good for you.

yesterday was much fun- hung out with kate for part of the day, played some frisbee golf (it's too bad when a frisbee is better at rolling than at flying... :-P), got coffee, watched a "sunset", got my ass kicked at ping pong (i so lost by not that much!!!), and then did a lot of not sleeping. hence the nap today.

i got a call from hollywood video YESTERDAY AFTERNOON and my sister neglected to CALL ME AND TELL ME! i wonder how long it would have taken for me to get the message if i had not called until like, Tuesday or something. so hopefully i'll have a job or something this summer... one that is very much allergy free, because i am not down with not being able to see or breathe or whatever (whatever meaning anything else that becomes profoundly affected when i work with all things green and growing). although i'll really miss working outside.

mmm... yummy. :-P
Elisabeth 5:47 PM

 
did i just seriously sleep for two and a half hours? holy crap. i am so fucking out of it. wow.
Elisabeth 5:12 PM

 
holy crap!!!!! for those of you who don't run, that is really really really really really fucking cool. :-D yay ashlee (and everyone else who did so way super awesome at nationals!!!)
Elisabeth 10:06 AM

Friday, May 23

 
today i am going to run run run and it'll be fabulous. i'm really very excited to just go run... i'll see how i feel once i actually have to haul myself out of the door however. i'm working my way onto a Maroon 5 kick... must watch out for that. it's kind of pop-ish for me, but i'm liking it a lot. plus i feel okay about listening to it because i've known about them for several months... thanks to late night mtv! i love watching mtv late at night. they play a lot of bands that aren't as popular yet. kinda cool. yeah. maybe i should change to run.
Elisabeth 3:33 PM

 
damn my guilty conscience.
Elisabeth 10:43 AM

Thursday, May 22

 
in contrast i would like to add...


Elisabeth 7:24 PM

 
happiness is...
happiness is?
happiness is-
it's...
sunshine?
flowers?
running in the rain?
happiness, happiness is...
surprise visits...
a friendly hug...
glitter crayons...
fat glitter crayons.
happiness is
warm chocolate chip cookies
from the oven
on a cold
rainy
afternoon
happiness is-
being by yourself
with someone else-
unconditional friendship-
saying i love you
and meaning it-
happiness is?
happiness is.




Elisabeth 3:38 PM

Wednesday, May 21

 
and i'm *really excited* because jamie put my blog on her xanga thingie. :-)
Elisabeth 10:43 AM

 
i love the word "yummy". it's such a fabulous word... i don't know why i've decided all of a sudden i adore the word, but it really is a fun word to say and use. mmm... that was yummy... i don't think i am all of the way awake yet. i should make some coffee.

i got the job i applied for a couple of weeks ago, but i'm not going to take it...
1) it's a lawn mowing/ weed whacking job, and although i don't mind doing that stuff AT ALL (seriously, no sarcasm here, loves), i'm so fucking allergic to everything green and growing and no amount of allergy meds really helps with that...
2) i really want to work at White Pass/Clear Lake XC camp, and working with the parks department wouldn't allow me to do that... it's so much fun to go running in the morning with 130 kids, hang out with coaches, and just train somewhere else
3) more time to run lots and lots!
4) maybe i could see DMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5) more time with family

and that's all i can think of right now. but mostly i don't think i could stand to be that miserable for hours and hours with allergies and stuff. i mean, it gets sooo bad sometimes... i like being able to breathe and see. good decision. now i just have to call them and tell them that i am not interested in the job... sad. i feel bad, but it happens. i so didn't think i was even going to get the job... ah well. :-)

lemme see... what else what else... i got a major indirect compliment this morning and am rather pleased... i'm helping out with a spaghetti feed tonight, my research project is interesting, and i only have one class today. looks like it is going to be a really pretty good day. excepting that one of my friends is going to be absent from english for the REST OF THE WEEK! other than THAT... i'm excited. and yeah. time to do stuff. :-)
Elisabeth 10:22 AM

Tuesday, May 20

 
okay so since i am sure a lot of people are curious about the whole "year without being kissed deal", here's the skinny...

last night, 364th day without being kissed, i did get a kiss... so i was *just* short of a year. i'm happy. yay! :-)

thanks to EVERYONE (group and *individual*) who helped to make that happen...

so... for everyone who has put up with me and my complaining and my countdown, there you go. end.

:-)



Elisabeth 9:04 PM

Monday, May 19

 
i am a happy camper. :-)

g'night, loves!



Elisabeth 11:56 PM

 
there are so many "what ifs" to life and really it just freaks the hell out of me. there are so many coincidences, so many things that happen or that we feel should happen- i believe in fate, but i am not a fatalist. if that makes any sort of sense. i believe that what is meant to be will be, it's just good to help it along a little bit sometimes and that the decisions we make take part in dictating what will happen. i believe that everything happens for a reason and that there is a reason for everything. or at least that one can FIND reason in things. there are too many coincidences for anything to be just an accident. mostly i'm just all weirded out right now. life is so odd.

what if...

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Harder To Breathe- Maroon 5


Elisabeth 8:55 AM

Sunday, May 18

 
so i shouldn't have taken a nap- i'm really kind of tired now instead of simply drowsy. but you know, sometimes stupid stuff happens. like today- i went on a date (*wink*) and whilst we were walking around i played with some tall grass- just pulling it apart and stuff. no big deal. then i'm sitting at my computer at home and i touch the area around my eyes, and then my eyes start itching and my allergies act up and then my eyes are all red and puffy and watery and swollen and lauren was like "wow, that looks bad." i'm such a fucking moron- i'm allergic to grass! duh!!! like i said, sometimes stupid stuff happens.

maybe i should make some coffee. or work on making some dinner. or something. i'm kind of hungry.

okay, dinner is started. soup soup soup for me. yay for it also being okay for me to swear around someone now! por ejemplo:

Beth says: what the fuck?
Beth says: oops, sorry- i typed that
Friend says: You are not going to offend me
Beth says: okay well then
Beth says: fuck
Friend says: yeah, fucking shit

dammit my soup is hot!!! i keep burning my tongue and the roof of my mouth. ah well... the taste of food is overrated, right? lemme see... anything else? study study study tonight... midterm tomorrow. last softball game tonight, although i think we still have one to make up. working on a cd for someone (!!!) but frustrated because cds are annoying as hell to make... if you want to make a good one. annnd last but not least, two days left kids.


Elisabeth 5:13 PM

Saturday, May 17

 
okay- saw matrix reloded and my gosh Trinity is HOT. and i really do mean that. other than that, the movie is sooo totally worth seeing for a good laugh. i laughed very hard. so did kristin. but really, how could one not?! :-D


Elisabeth 10:30 PM

 
and i wrote and essay today on why i want to visit the moon and consequently had this song stuck in my head for the rest of the test.
Elisabeth 2:19 PM

 
all done with testing for today so i can blissfully ignore the papers i need to start writing. really, i need to start my paper for 309... i think i'm going to write about romantic love- really i should write about something that pisses me off in the class, but i can't really do that. one of my profs already hates me as it is. :-) the other paper requires i check out books from the library, sooooo i'll do that tomorrow morning. i think.

i love spring, but i keep forgetting about all of the things that i need to do and have planned to do and am supposed to do. this is the time i need to use my planner because i am so fuzzed out. but that would require having to use my planner, and that is a pain in the ass. sooo i am going to stop complaining because it's useless.

It might have been great
It might have gorgeous
It might have been why I've settled in

and so i end my blog.


Elisabeth 2:06 PM

 
"guys don't dig girls who drool." sooo that's my problem!! *wink* (thanks kim!)
Elisabeth 7:38 AM

Friday, May 16

 
i have housing for next year! well... on campus but whatever. and uh... yeah. WEST-B tomorrow... hoping for the best, but i think i'm fucked on the math section. peace.
Elisabeth 7:01 PM

Thursday, May 15

 
i think tonight i am attempting to piss off the world. i should just go crawl in bed.

grr.

Elisabeth 7:30 PM

Wednesday, May 14

 
ugh i'm addicted to running. i kept running and running tonight- and would have run more but i started hitting dead point and that was good for me. so i ran 10 tonight which granted isn't forever, but good after not having a long run for a week and a half. i really needed it. so i feel good right now. running is so calming- especially the long runs. so i feel really good. TOMORROW however, will suck. running-wise.

i felt kinda bad- today i went to see my honors prof about my final and he had brought some books for my paper topic as of noon yesterday. however, sometime around *3pm* a new topic hit me and i decided to write on fasting and eating disorders instead of dreams. so i told him that i switched topics and he was okay with that (despite the books he brought!)- AND he doesn't really know anything about fasting or eating disorders so i'm safe to write about them... although he won't be particularly useful if i need help. :-)

ummm... other than that, i had a fun lunch today with one of my friends and then met another friend for coffee. he kicked my ass at everything, so now i am his ego booster- if ever he needs a boost he can find me and we can play speed or jenga or whatever. i can just be content in knowing i could kick his ass if we went running... which we won't but that's alright. :-)

tomorrow is another day of badminton and maybe some research and holy crap some napping because i think i am going to be so fucking tired it won't even be funny. less than 6 hours of sleep last night and the prospects for tonight aren't looking so good either. and i am pretty sure i am living on campus next year- did i already mention that? whatever. okay, i need to do something else. i'm not making sense-

almost 5...



Elisabeth 11:36 PM

 
i've fucked up the housing thing... well, it isn't entirely my fault since my family won't let me live particularly far away from school. sooo next year looks like i am going to be living by myself because i am pretty sure everyone else already has someone to live with. argh. i don't really want to live by myself, but... well, it happens. i was trying to think of the upside of living by myself- as long as i can get my hands on some high speed internet, that would be cool. AND any incoming phone calls would be for me. AND everything i would have would belong to me. AND i could be messy. AND i could go to bed whenever. um... i could think of other things.

job interview soon. yikes.
Elisabeth 8:42 AM

Tuesday, May 13

 
argh i hate it when my subdued emotional state is interpreted as either apathy or disinterest. i ran a mile and a half today and i have a job interview tomorrow and i am tired and complaining and i am going to end this entry now.
Elisabeth 8:54 PM

 
yay for sleep. that is what i did last night and then again this morning after class. i wish i hadn't set my alarm because right now i would still be sleeping...

i have counting crows stuck in my had soooooo badly. maybe i should just listen to it! okay, now i have Mr. Jones playing... speaking of whom, i need to send one of my friends an email or call or something. "sha la la la la la la la la yeah... uh-huh, yeah..." but yeah, this was all i could sing today during badminton. drove me nuts, and i am sure everyone else as well because more often than not i can't carry i tune in a bucket. which is fine by me really because what the hell does carrying a tune in a bucket do for me? and i don't even have a bucket anyway, so i suppose it's a moot point. i digress.

i didn't think it was possible that there were other people in badminton that could be as lethargic and apathetic and karl and i are in the morning, or even suck quite as much as we do, but my goodness we found some. it was incredable. well, except the part where i told them we suck at badminton (to comfort them in their warnings prior to the game THEY really really suck) and then in the middle of the game one of the girls says "wow, you really DO suck! we've never had this many points!" :-) i suppose it's a comfort to know that really our major problem is not that everyone we play is so much more talented than we are, but that we can't keep the fucking birdie in the court. :-)

i figured it was time to take a shower if i couldn't remember if it was yesterday or the day before i last showered. ha. i'm so bad about that. yikes. *note: my goal 99.5% of the time is not to impress. thank you.*

and what the fuck does "peeling furniture days" mean? weirdo Bush lyrics...

one week!!!!!



Elisabeth 11:03 AM

Monday, May 12

 
good day mostly- good run, good softball, good class, good food- but got my ass kicked wrestling. hmmm... oh well. he had the height weight advantage.

and what's this with my kisses not being appreciated? :-P

more running and BUSY day tomorrow...

8 days...


Elisabeth 11:07 PM

 
i haven't done my homework again- and i need to be halfway through a book for one of my other classes by tomorrow. hmm... ah, well. i'll get it done somehow. somehow meaning foregoing sleep... HAHA yeah right. what a busy busy busy week i have coming up- okay, maybe not really that busy, but i have lots of little things that are at weird times. so the times i have to run are really all over the place. maybe i'll take more days off. maybe i'm really super in need of a good run. i ran *ahem* 14.5 miles last week! no worries, i needed the time off. so yeah- i'll see how today's run goes-

it was so good to see my family this weekend. it'll be nice to see more of them this summer- speaking of summer i have a job interview on wed morning at 9am- over the phone! a little worried, not even sure i want to take the job if they offer it to me because i do have something else i could do this summer that would afford me more flexable hours for anything that might come up- but i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.

thanks karl for this song- it's good and i didn't know the name of it. :-)

i should think about going to class soon... my class where one of my profs hates me and the other constantly needs to point out the fact that i shared my opinion that i do not particularly care for the overidealization of the romantic authors. "not particularly care" is the nice way of saying it. and if that was confusing, my class has two profs. :-P

coffee was good today. good for me. :-)


Elisabeth 11:08 AM

Sunday, May 11

 
i am sanity.



Elisabeth 11:23 PM

Saturday, May 10

 
so today i am at lunch with my mom talking about the movie waking life and how ever since i've seen it i can't have a lucid dream. i spend the afternoon with my mom and grandad, then come home, hang out for a bit, and go to take a nap.

i'm walking down the hall to go to my friend nate's room and i see this guy trying to carry this trash can thing with a cord, so i help him out and he's kind of rude, doesn't say thank you- real nice. :-P so anyway, i set the thing down, and go back a door to nate's room, but i knock and no one is there. then i realize it's this other guy's door in my building and i'm on the 3rd, not the 4th floor! how i ended up there, i don't know- but never put something like getting off the elevator on the wrong floor past me. walking down the hall i'm all tired and confused and woosey and then it hits me- i'm dreaming. i'm dreaming! i'm having a lucid dream! what to do what to do?! i'll fly! so i did- i could actually fly. it was the fucking coolest thing-

i don't know if any of you have ever had dreams where you could fly or float, but it is the most amazing experience to actually feel your body become weightless.

but then i couldn't breathe. that scared the hell out of me- so i reminded myself i was dreaming and then i could breathe again. i was floating up the stairwell in my residence hall and, seeing as flying is something i don't normally do, i ran into the wall and the railing a whole bunch- kind of hurt but whatever. then i couldn't breathe again, and even though i told myself i was dreaming, i still couldn't breathe. i was trying to gasp for air, but i couldn't- so i decided it was time to wake up because i was going to suffocate-

and i woke up.

it was so fucking cool. ah, the possiblilites.

10 days.


Elisabeth 11:24 PM

 
i've hit dead point- i'm too stupid and tired to even read cosmo girl- pathetic, isn't it?

and everything is very surreal right now. very. what the hell happened to my life?
Elisabeth 1:54 AM

 
all your mental armor drags me down...

okay, so i've had the song in my head for *days* and it's going to drive me freaking nuts. but honestly, how much more nuts could i really get? prolly a lot but that is NOT the point. humor me, it's been quite a day/week/month/whatever. i had vanilla coke today for the first time- diet vanilla coke- and it was odd. good, but really odd. :-)

other than that- yeah. long day- trying to figure the whole housing thing out, and that in itself is a monumental political task...

but i am liking this vanilla coke stuff. :-)
Elisabeth 12:24 AM

Thursday, May 8

 
i'm really tired tonight and in one of those weird impossibly variable moods that shifts at any given moment. blech. really i think i need some sleep. some really good sleep. good quality sleep is hard to come by...

Believe in me
Help me believe in anything
I want to be someone who believes

i've also noticed that the more angry or annoyed i get, the more formal my writing tends to become. random thought. it's entertaining.
Elisabeth 7:04 PM

Wednesday, May 7

 
yay for condoms for my collection! i now have five- orange, green, yellow, black, and one of undetermined colour. one of my friends working in the whatever place on campus- sexual awareness center?- said she'd call me when they got glow in the dark! woo! and, i would like to mention, it's a collection because none of them are getting used. :-P but yay, i'm excited.

other than that- i sunburned really badly last week and now all of my skin is coming off. and i think i need some water.

okay, yay for water. my run today really really sucked. my body is so tired. i don't think this running thing is working for me right now. tomorrow i'll split my run up into two, so that'll work better. oh oh phone call!
Elisabeth 7:57 PM

 
hmm... not too much going on right now. my day has been pretty decent so far, inasmuch as i haven't done anything really and not too much is going on. :-P so anyway, i'm in the library and i will study, but not for a few minutes. i don't really want to do a whole lot. yay, i FINALLY slept last night- for something like 8.5 hours. before that i'd gotten about 12 hours of sleep in three days- the world appeared a much rosier place when i woke up. anyway- hmm. can't think of much. going to check out some websites for one of my english classes.

more song lyrics

and so yeah. whatever.
Elisabeth 2:05 PM

Tuesday, May 6

 
i would like to mention that i am also single-handedly resposible for world hunger, holes in the ozone layer, war with iraq, SARS, answering machine tapes that cut you off while you're still talking, justin timberlake releasing a solo album, animal testing, george w. bush's foreign policy, WWU's crappy GUR requirements, recent tornados in the midwest, sour milk, er and whatever else.

another place to go

soooo sunny out!
Elisabeth 9:45 AM

Monday, May 5

 
a whole bunch of really *hot* guys in their underwear just walked by *blushes*

... i love college. :-D
Elisabeth 11:32 PM

 
happy cinco de mayo- if you know what i mean. :-)

happy birthday molly! you're one cute chica!
Elisabeth 11:27 PM

 
yay i FINALLY figured out how to make a link on this damn thing. yay for me. so anyway, i'm sitting here in front of my computer listening to linkin park because i can't listen to ANYTHING ELSE EVER! okay, yes i can, but i'm stuck on linkin park right now. still. WOAH my coffee is strong!!! yay!

you should go here

so yeah- i get to pick up some skirts that i left at home this coming weekend! i'm very excited about this because right now i have three in rotation and i could have two more. they used to be my sister's, but she decided she didn't want them. so enough about skirts. no one really cares anyway. :-P

i was hoping for a little more then 7 hours of sleep last night, but it's more than i thought, at one point, that i would get. more awake than i thought i would be. this blog is going nowhere.
Elisabeth 9:49 AM

Sunday, May 4

 
"I envision Limbo being like a golf course... without the holes and the sand traps. Green, rolling hills- and animals... I imagine animals there too."
-Dr. Moore on Inferno by Dante
Elisabeth 4:50 PM

 
managed about 15 today! omg i am soooooooooooo tired. :-D so yeah, i'm running (not literally anymore!) on about 2 hours of sleep- yeah, totally my fault but whatever. worth it. :-) trying to see if i can make it until about 9:30-10:30 before i crash and burn. as long as i don't try to do any homework i should be okay. my reading puts me out like nothing else- well... almost. i should get my shoes back. :-)

run this morning was good, but long. and as always, i was entertained. *wink* for some reason my abs are sore, but i haven't done anything to make them sore- no sprinting or crunches or pilates or anything. hmmm.... not sure if i am going to be running tomorrow- maybe i'll take a day or two or three off and relax and then start up again. hahahahahahahaha! okay, maybe i'll just take monday off and run easy tuesday. must be careful not to kill my legs. so anyway- enough about running.

ummmmmm... going to be an interesting week. yay for the coming weekend! i gets to see my family!!!! yay... very excited, of course as always.

homework? i think not. i really should invest in a box of crayons. i'll do that next time i go to the store. maybe i'll go for a run tomorrow and get some. er- or whatever. :-)

not too tired to think- but working on it.

positive thought of the day: TRACK IS SOOOOO OVER!!!!!!!!!!
Elisabeth 2:25 PM

 
dammit, i fell asleep before 7am! :-P
Elisabeth 9:47 AM

Saturday, May 3

 
well- at least the season is over?

i'm listening to music from Waking Life right now and starting to feel like sleeping. i don't want to sleep yet!

maybe i'm too dramatic?

ran my slowest time of the season today. que triste.

tomorrow, 12-16 mile run. hopefully i can hit 15 or so and call it good. shouldn't be too bad, seeing as today was kind of a tempo run-

positive thought of the day: i slept really well last night.
Elisabeth 11:10 PM

Friday, May 2

 
oh my goodness i am tired! i could not sleep last night or this morning. so i got under 5 hours of sleep. fuck that. but damn i made some strong coffee this morning, so yay for that. wow i'm tired. maybe i can take a nap before class, because otherwise i'll be taking a nap IN class.

tomorrow is the last race of the season and if i wasn't so fucking tired i'd be really excited. then i can go for a run after my race AND run run run run run on sunday! the idea on sunday is to run 15 or 16 miles- not sure if i'll be able to run that far because my body will be so tired from racing, but hey. what the hell, worth a shot. it's an out and back run, so i can just turn around.

oh goodness, what to do with myself...

my haircut turned out okay. the person didn't do a very good job, really- so i am going to just live with it and when i go home for summer in 5 or six weeks cut it again. with someone who knows how to layer hair. hmmm...

running is fun and racing just happens to be an added bonus. ergo, racing is fun. psycho viks run like CRAZY!!!
(day six or working on positive mental attitude)
Elisabeth 8:07 AM

Thursday, May 1

 
today should be a pretty decent day- getting my hair cut, track bbq... then after that i dunno. i'm expecting a phone call from my family tonight...

so lots of running obviously ISN"T good for my body... but i don't really feel like compromising.

i am tired, so this entry is all over the place. maybe i'll wear a skirt again today. but not a long one like yesterday, because it hits my sunburned ankles. :-)

wow, okay 30 minutes later and i forgot i was even writing this thing. i even forgot that i wrote parts of it. blah. time to post.

haircut will be fabulous.
(day five of working on positive mental attitude)


Elisabeth 9:51 AM

Wednesday, April 30

 
suddenly very nervous about getting my hair cut tomorrow.
Elisabeth 11:10 PM

 
oops- ran my workout too fast today. i felt like i was crawling but really i was running very fast. i really just want to run! yay for saturday... looking foreward ot it... and yeah.
Elisabeth 5:34 PM

 
i am going to have an awesome workout today.

(day four of working on positive mental attitude)
Elisabeth 9:08 AM

Tuesday, April 29

 
*ahem*

duh i'm a dork- forgot to mention the final lists for GNAC came out today- i'm now TENTH out of FIFTEEN for my race (yay!) and i'm thinking that really anything involving hand-eye coordination isn't my thing... karl, why did we take 8am badminton? :-)
Elisabeth 9:35 PM

 
so yeah- softball isn't my thing. but one of my friends was ever so patient and only had to show me about one million and a half times how to swing the bat. thanks!!! :-)

mmm... i'm tired! i should try to start my homework or something, but lordy it's so damn boring. okay, so i haven't actually LOOKED at it yet, but seeing as just about everything else we have read has been boring as hell, i can only assume this will be about the same. but we all know what happens when one assumes... *wink*

my legs are so sunburned from sitting in red square for 3.5 hours yesterday so i can't shower and it is too embarrasing to wear shorts/skirts. see, the only parts that are bright red are my shins and feet. oops. i never think i am going to burn as badly as i do, and then do burn badly and go "oh yeah. i'm such a dork. :-P

hmm... still tired.

i'm getting really antsy... i'm hardly running at all this week and it is driving me up a wall. i never really realize how much i actually need to run- mabye "never really realize how physically addicted i am to endorphins" would be a better wording- until i am not running a whole lot and start getting antsy and cranky and stressed and generally weird. but yay for going to one of the places on campus today (places being a scientific technical term) and filling my nalgene with ICE CUBES!!!!!! they were of crunchable size. must remember to do that tomorrow as well.

last track meet this saturday, so if you happen to be in ellensburg, please yell at me to get my ass in gear. but nicely? :-)

21 days to go...
Elisabeth 9:28 PM

 
damn i'm super hot and sexy.

(day three of working on positive mental attitude. did i over-do it there?)
Elisabeth 9:02 AM

Monday, April 28

 
i'm going to rip it up on saturday! damn i feel good.

(day two of working on positive mental attitude)
Elisabeth 9:33 AM

Sunday, April 27

 
i'm going to run so fast on saturday!!!! my midterm tomorrow will be wonderful!!!! running is wonderful!!!!

(day one of working on positive mental attitude)
Elisabeth 4:35 PM

 
maybe discouraged is the word i am looking for.

okay- so i'm probably the only one that qualified for conference that doesn't want to go. how can i injure myself between now and friday when we have to leave... hmmm... i'm ranked 16th for the 5k which means LAST PLACE-

Nicole Seana, SPU 19:17.63
Stephanie Upshaw, WOU 19:20.0
Kaya Castanada, WOU 19:33.0
Beth Rosapepe, WWU 19:36.11
Ann McCanick, SMC 19:38.3
Nikki McCorkle, WOU 19:41.02
Jasmine Zamora, SPU 19:43.51

so that's 13th place through 19th place- looks like Kaya and I will be duking it out for last place. and the woman ranked first for our race will probably scratch (not run the race) so Ann will probably be in our back pack as well. i really wanted to get bumped so i could go run a big road race next weekend... but haha, oh well. i mean, maybe this will be it. this will be my breakthrough race- i'll run under 19:00 and everyone will be like "beth, holy shit! where did that come from?!" and i'll just smile and be like "yeah, see, i actually do train." because right now you'd never guess that i do. by the way, yesterday (jn oregon... :-P ) i ran the suckiest 1500, but won my heat of the 800 and evidently looked a helluva lot faster than i actually was. whatever, the attention was nice. :-) and congrats to the amazing lisa pearl for breaking the school record in the 10k.

so anyway, enough about running. midterm on monday- oh boy. can't wait.

negativity is so damn unattractive. but honestly, right this very second, i am wishing track was over- this time next weekend i will be one very happy little monkey.

23 days to go.
Elisabeth 9:21 AM

Friday, April 25

 
to go to oregon or not to go... that's the fucking question!! i can't decide- my mom spent 20 minutes telling me why i shouldn't go, my dad spent about 5 (and then told me he'd help me train for a marathon next year!!!!!!!!!) and then another friend asked me if i would regret it if i didn't go and my roommate says i should. but she's had a good season, so racing isn't a big deal for her- i on the other hand have had a pretty shitty season. i don't know if it is worth it for me to go, and i have a little over an hour to decide. i mean, i feel that i should go to get in a race, spend some time with the team, get in a race- fuck i dunno. i am so annoyed- but if i don't go, i could go to english, relax, run, go to an M's game... argh.

M's won last night... yay!

but that isn't the point. grr!!! i hate track. why the hell does the meet have to be all the way the hell down in oregon?!
Elisabeth 9:32 AM

Thursday, April 24

 
oh dear- okay, so i move from mindless late night television to reading a mindless book that i get sucked into until past 1am... oh boy. so i spend almost 2 hours reading this book and finally get too tired to be able to concentrate on what is on the page. so i go to bed, yay, but oh no to my dismay my badminton partner didn't email to say "beth, i've worked so hard on my project and it's late so i'm going to skip tomorrow morning." instead, i turn on the computer and i have "No new e-mail messages".

8am badminton is still at 8am.

okay, so i'm whining, but whatever. i prolly won't remember half of what i write here. i get to come home right after class, curl up in my bed, and SLEEP. and if anyone disturbs me, watch for your kneecaps. i will bite them.
Elisabeth 7:47 AM

Wednesday, April 23

 
i think i'm overly sensitive about running right now and upset about nothing. :-)
Elisabeth 4:40 PM

 
i always hate it when i find out people have been talking about me behind my back... even when it isn't really anything very bad. so yeah, i run slow. whatever. would be nice if people would bother to ask me what i am doing or why i am running slow rather than speculating. as if i'm not upset enough as it is about running so fucking slow. *sigh* i really want this track season to be over. i just want to run. week and a half, baby. *smile*
Elisabeth 3:58 PM

 
today is the 23...27 days to go.

i really need to get some half and half for my coffee... soy milk or black just isn't doing it for me. yikes, i'm behind on my novel, but at least i managed to get through the reading that was due monday.

i do not think i will look very cute today. eh, oh well. trying to impress? haha, do i ever? :-)

hmmm... not having to do much running this week. it's weird. but i had a good workout yesterday, and with what i am doing in workouts, i should be racing much faster than i do. la la la.

back to reading my boring novel... blah blah blah. at any rate, it's getting better. yay.
Elisabeth 10:23 AM

Monday, April 21

 
er... sorry bout this morning. i was really tired- being tired messes with my brain. that and i hadn't eaten much and that messes with my mind too. i've got it together now i think. hey, my sister called me today!!!!! it was sooo great to hear from her. she is so cute and beautiful at the same time. i miss her a lot. i miss my whole family, come to think of it. i need a good family picture. anyway, i've got homework to do- two page response paper, oh dear! :-P hopefully can get that done before dinner. would be wonderful. okay, enough enough. write!

possession by sarah mclachlan... v. nice :-)
Elisabeth 5:30 PM

 
i don't like being sad first thing in the morning. it isn't a lot of fun. i am so fucking confused. and my parents didn't call me yesterday. they didn't say they would or anything, but it was easter- yeah, what a holiday at my house. haha, j/k. but anyway- there's just a lot going on for them right now and i guess i'm sad.

fuck it, i just need more sleep.

and i hate blogs.
Elisabeth 8:06 AM

Sunday, April 20

 
oh yeah... 11 months today kids and happy 4/20... :-P
Elisabeth 11:55 AM

 
right now the kitchen, and subsequently my room, smell comfortingly of coffee and bread rising. i haven't changed out of my pajamas, even though it is 9:30 and i've been awake for two hours. the window is open and i can smell the faintly damp morning smell i am hoping will turn into a beautifully clean sunny smell. it's been a very nice sunday morning so far.

happy bunny day, by the way.

so anyway, yesterday in ellensburg it was wonderfully sunny, and maybe even a little warm. and, funny story, if one isn't used to much sun, one becomes very pink after being out in it for a while. red, even. oh dear. pass the aloe.

however, aside from sunny-ness, i ran the suckiest race ever, much to my embarrasment. i was 49 seconds off of my PR AND came in 4th. how pathetic. i don't know what is wrong with my head, but i am having major racing problems. and the thing is, i am capable of running so much faster, i just can't find that little ON-switch in my head that lets me turn ON my racing brain and OFF my rational brain. they are two very different brains, because rationally who is going to run around in ovals really hard for 3.1 miles just to end up 200m from where they started? exactly. and that is what my rational brain is asking. so right now i don't even know that i am going to be competeting in the conference meet. need to stop thinking about this- it's too depressing.

i sat by a very nice boy on the bus on the way to the meet yesterday. *note: no romantic interest* i have more people to say hi to now! he lives near me, and i see him in the dining hall all of the time but now we can say hi! i like having lots of people to say hi to. anywhooooooooo...

today i have someone coming up to visit me and i am starting to get really nervous about it. i mean, really pretty nervous. i want everything to go well, dinner and such. kristin and i are going to cook the most yummiest dinner ever- spaghetti noodles with salmon alfredo sauce, homemade bread (fresh and hot out of the oven), our guest is bringing salad ("It'll probably be ceasar salad. Out of a bag. I'm really good at making that kind."), and then today kristin is making a carrot cake with CREAM CHEESE FROSTING!!! not real cream cheese frosting, but i am a frosting fiend so honestly i could care less. so no matter what happens today, at least i'll have carrot cake for breakfast tomorrow morning.

more aloe anyone?
Elisabeth 9:48 AM

Friday, April 18

 
yikes easter weekend already. how exciting... i guess. we are going to have an "easter cake" this sunday... "easter cake" in quotes because really no one in our room celebrates easter sort of stuff.

i'm really tired, and i have been for the past couple of days. i can tell because i'm kind of cranky, my brain won't shut off at all ( i can't walk in peace), and everything seems much worse than it really is. if only i could fucking sleep at night.

i think i found a topic for my final paper in my seminar- i want to write about dreams and spirituality. as soon as i can get a working definition for exactly what spirituality is. but i think it would be an awesome topic, especially since i am a fairly big dreamer. li've been falling asleep on the couch a lot lately at night and because it is warm in the living room, having lots of dreams. it's really wild... and i love it (for the most part). a lot of my dreams lately though have been kind of sad, so i don't really like those as much.

racing in ellensburg this weekend... woot. i hate racing far away- the bus leaves at 6:30 in the morning and we prolly won't get back til late at night. it's my last chance to do fucking ANYTHING in the 5k (like make sure that i qualify for conference... i'm fucking 14th out of 16 right now, cry) so yeah. need to drop my time by oh, a ton.

so i think that's about all. sort of. maybe someday i'll actually sleep and that will be wonderful and i won't have to walk around feeling like i am going to bite off everyone's kneecaps.

end.
Elisabeth 5:38 PM

Thursday, April 17

 
lordy morning showers seem to last forever around here. usually when i need to use the bathroom. mmm, badminton this morning. take back the night tonight. and i just really need to finish my damn application. :-P
Elisabeth 7:49 AM

Wednesday, April 16

 
WOO i found a place that sells dry ice! i am very happy. AND it isn't in lynden! oh, i am happy. so yeah, anyway... i'll give a little call tomorrow and ask about prices and stuff. :-D

tonight went out to dinner and dessert which was very nice until a certain someone decided to be GROSS (:-P). :-) anyway, yeah. it was fun- and the ice cream was GREAT. yummy yummy!

i watched the movie "waking life" today- if you get the chance, watch it. very good- plus they talk about the kinds of dreams i have where i can't turn on and off lights or read the time. next time i realize i am dreaming i am going to see if i can actually do stuff in my dreams- conscious unconsciousness. or something. i dunno. worth a shot. i mean, if i am stuck in a dream world i can't escape, might as well enjoy it while i am there, no?

i ate too much tonight. ah, well. whatever. :-) yummy pizza and ice cream. i should probably do homework now. OR i could go watch lame tv reality dating shows. :-)
Elisabeth 10:36 PM

 
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it
Elisabeth 9:46 AM

Tuesday, April 15

 
urgh want must sleep but can't ack bad no! 1) i am hoping my friend's mom will fax me a job application 2) i really should take a shower...

i goofed on my oatmeal this morning. how the hell do you goof on oatmeal for heaven's sake?? ooh, i want to call Haggen (local grocery store for you kids that don't live up here... :-P) and see if they carry dry ice. just a moment.

no!! and fred meyer doesn't sell it either. wtf? evidently i have to go to lynden to get it. riiight. okay, i'll keep trying. yikes! need to take a shower! keep you updated on the situation as it progresses- up to the minute... er... hour? um, day? well, i'll tell you within a week or so if i get any. yeah.
Elisabeth 9:44 AM

Monday, April 14

 
i think that if i stopped thinking so much, i would be okay. but, being an english major, i will think. and write. tons. i am too analytical sometimes. but that is okay. argh.

it is BEAUTIFUL out... but i get so cold! lame-o excuse. so i am goin gto enjoy the nice weather perhaps with my eyes shut. or doing homework. because i am not running today i have way too much free time. so i guess i'll get a couple of days of reading out of the way. and reading for me usually involved being so bored i fall asleep. ah, well, i have time. :-)

i really need to stop listening to meteora... i have been listening to it too too too much. :-P

GRR.
Elisabeth 3:14 PM

Sunday, April 13

 
would you believe it? i actually had a good race. i mean, i can't believe it. ah, well. my 1500 time works out to 5:34 pace, and although it isn't even close to my PR, i am happy with it. i also ran the 800 and urgh that wasn't so fast (actually, only slightly faster than my 1500) but that's okay. i am okay with it. because i ran just fine. i miss being fast.

oh, when i say my 800 was slightly faster than my 1500, i mean the pace, not the overall time. :-P

it's pouring! luckily i have a group of girls to do my "long run" with today- okay, so it is long, but i'm running the same distance today as all of my combined running yesterday. eh, oh well. ooh, i did get to see my parents yesterday at the meet! that was so way super awesome. and i finished a scarf to give to my sister, so that was another way super awesome thing.

my wallet enjoys running around without me. i seem to have lots of problems finding it. found it.

okay, so like an hour later after i have started this thing i haven't posted yet because i keep getting distracted. :-) i talked to my family on the phone (yay!) for a while and then made some coffee (that actually wasn't disgusting as hell!) and am trying to figure out when i am going to eat lunch. because i am not hungry today. :-) oatmeal sounds good to me...

so yeah. now i'm just putting off homework and writing a ton of nothing. i guess i am trying to make up for my last couple of entries which have been short AND depressing... but yeah. whatever. check out the linkin park album! i think the people next door must HATE me because i have listened to it at least a BILLION times and i think you can hear through the walls. but i am getting good at doing an impression of chester bennington... just sing as if angry and with stomach pains. :-) okay kids, enogh from me. should be an interesting week- dreading it in part, but feeling good right now. :-)
Elisabeth 11:25 AM

Friday, April 11

 
it's a sadness.
Elisabeth 6:40 PM

Thursday, April 10

 
it's easier to run
Elisabeth 9:23 AM

Wednesday, April 9

 
i like my life as complicated as i can make it. evidently. just seems to happen. :-P
Elisabeth 5:50 PM

Monday, April 7

 
Eating Disorders: Incidence:
Doubled since 1960s
Increasing in younger age groups, as young as 7 years
Occurring increasingly in diverse ethnic and sociocultural groups
40-60% of high school girls diet
13% of high school girls purge
30-40% of junior high girls worry about weight
40% of 9-year-old girls have dieted
5-year-old girls are concerned about diet
-http://www.eatingdisorderscoalition.org/reports/statistics.html

scary, isn't it?

if you are concerned that you or one of your friends may have an eating disorder, one of the best things you can do is arm yourself with information. here is a website that provides a lot of information on what eating disorders are, as well as resources for getting help/being supportive of someone in recovery.

http://www.something-fishy.org/

there is no "skinny enough", set weight, body type, body fat percentage, or gender (estimated 1 in 10 eating disorder cases occurs in males, and those are just the documented ones) that defines an eating disorder. if anything, at least poke around a bit. it's good to be aware.
Elisabeth 3:04 PM

Sunday, April 6

 
i'm attempting to write a personal essay, just for the hell of it, but it's coming to me a lot harder than i thought it would. maybe because there is no difinitive ending and won't be for a couple of years. i could always start over.

i really want to break out of this writing block i have going. just let go and be creative. *le sigh*
Elisabeth 9:14 PM

 
went for my 'long run' this morning (only made it 9... :-P) and oh my god i hurt. lots. i am trying to find somewhere i am not sore, but failing miserably.

i raced particularly poorly yesterday, clocking a 19:51 5k and a :70 split in my 4x400m. i really hate track right now. i don't get how i can put so much work into what i do and get pretty much nothing out of it. it's depressing.

i went to a party last night- TOO MANY PEOPLE! it was kinda freaky... it was okay, but when you get crushed between two really tall guys saying hi to each other, that's no good.

i need a really hot shower. i am supposed to go hiking today. how the hell i am going to make it through that, i have no idea. maybe she won't want to go either. we can curl up on our beds, do homework, and recover from yesterday. ouch.
Elisabeth 10:47 AM

Saturday, April 5

 
karl- amen. i hate track too.
Elisabeth 9:13 PM

 
oh boy, not again... pressure's on.

today i am racing- which is most excellent. i am really excited, plus it's a home meet AND my family is coming to watch.

right about now i really really really want to crawl into a hole and stay there. i am going to move to a tropical island- by myself- and attempt to make my life as simple as i possibly can. i figure if no one else is around, i can't complicate people's lives too much. plus it would be nice to run around on beaches. warm sandy beaches with really pretty blue water and WAVES so i could go body surfing and build sand pits and sand dragons and... well, i'm getting off track.

i don't know, maybe being alone on a tropical island might be a little too... lonely? perhaps i'll bring a companion a la wilson in castaway, except that it won't be a volleyball. a running shoe? do those float? i don't know. i try not to go in really really deep water when i am running.

i think i am about ready for this school year to be over and to go home. 3 months... :-)
Elisabeth 10:41 AM

Friday, April 4

 
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

#61: I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
Elisabeth 7:01 PM

 
dammit dammit dammit.
Elisabeth 5:06 PM

 
grr... damn my conscience.
Elisabeth 8:46 AM

Thursday, April 3

 
http://www.geocities.com/youdecideband/opiate.html#coldandugly
Elisabeth 6:33 PM

 
i can't post freaking anything anymore... too many people read this stupid thing. (well, beth, what did you expect? you put the damn thing on your AIM profile!) ah, well, suffice to say i'm in a perpetual state of elation and confusion all at the same time... is this even possible? i suppose, since i am experiencing it.
Elisabeth 7:15 AM

Wednesday, April 2

 
so i'm happy happy happy... i mean it, really honestly and truly. not being sarcastically happy so people will stop saying "your blogs are so depressing!" but really i am happy. and my hair has blue streaks today- tomorrow perhaps it will be just the tips. confuse the hell out of everyone with the placement of my hair color. so as if changing my hair from curly to straight and back again on a regular basis wasn't enough... :-P things are going really well right now, both at school and at home. this is so wonderful, because it has been a wildly weird year so far and at the end of last quarter i was about to go nuts! but today, and yesterday, and the day before i have been smiling almost nonstop...

so if you aren't sure if it is me or not with my curly/straight-where's-the-blue-now hair, i'm the grinning idiot walking around campus.
Elisabeth 2:58 PM

Tuesday, April 1

 
EXCELLENT NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elisabeth 11:07 PM

 
i don't get it... boys are so weird and yeah. :-P
Elisabeth 7:30 AM

Monday, March 31

 
lordy i am so confused.

i have also passed into denial, not to be confused with "the nile", the river.

please excuse my feeble late night attempt at humor. oh dear.
Elisabeth 12:14 AM

Saturday, March 29

 
i love it when people send me email. before i do decide things have gone completely to hell, i did get an email from a person that makes me *smile*. it's odd how the source of my excitement comes from someone i have never met really...
Elisabeth 10:29 PM

 
today was almost a good day. it really was. my sister ran a really good race and won it. i am so proud of her. i'm making bread right now. sometimes i want to wake up and find that everything is a dream. i really do.
Elisabeth 10:23 PM

Tuesday, March 25

 
okay, i am completely agitated tonight. i got a phone call and i was so nervous the ENTIRE time! i was seriously sweating like crazy and if any of you know how i get when i am really nervous i was "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..." and told lots of long pointless stories that ended in "and then i found $20". if i had found $20 that many times college would be paid for...
despite all of this, i think it went well. i drank some water to fix my nervousness induced dehydrated state and i'm good to go. now, as i said, i'm agitated so i am eating carrots because they are crunchy and i need something to keep me from running all over the house going "i am such a dork!!! stupid stupid stupid!" eh, i figure what the hell. we'll just call this person UC for unnamed caller.

and then i found $20.
Elisabeth 9:31 PM

Friday, March 21

 
wow, what a weird confusing day! but what fun is life if it isn't at times totally confusing, high, low, in between, exciting, and drastically boring all in the same day? *wink* lordy lordy... what a day.

i'm on break! yay for that... i'm all excited. so excited i think i am going to go read a book. :-)
Elisabeth 11:11 PM

 
today started off really well...
Elisabeth 12:10 PM

Thursday, March 20

 
it's such a small world...

i'm such a little bundle of energy right now. i think i need to run!

i'm so excited.
Elisabeth 10:57 AM

 
10 months!

war sucks.

http://www.kuow.org/default.asp --> NPR... you can get radio over the 'net here.
www.cnn.com
www.usatoday.com
Elisabeth 9:27 AM

Wednesday, March 19

 
I am a new day rising
I'm a brand new sky
to hang the stars upon tonight
I am a little divided
do I stay or run away
and leave it all behind?
-foo fighters
Elisabeth 9:36 PM

 
tonight was the most exciting really shitty night ever. i need one of those theater happy/sad faces... so yeah. dissapointed in lack of blogging from a lot of people. c'mon, i need some entertainment! ;-) j/k anyway, yeah. i think i am going to curl up and read for a while or something. nothing more. had a good day today. yay for bookstores... i want to have kids just so i can read to them. i saw so many of my favourite kids books today- some i hadn't thought of in a while... so great. yeah.
Elisabeth 8:50 PM

Tuesday, March 18

 
i'm kind of getting to the point where i don't thinki care about my paper anymore... except that it is worth FIFTY PERCENT OF MY GRADE! not good, not good. i'm FINALLY on the 8th page, i have a little over four and a half hours until it is due (or an hour and a half until practice... yeah right, i'm not making it today!) and not too much left to accomplish. just a conclusion, rework one of the paragraphs, fix all of my citations so they are actually citations, and a bibliography. yeah, practice is not an option for me today. back to work... :-P
Elisabeth 1:25 PM

Monday, March 17

 
uh-oh... reached another standstill in the paper. ACK! i am going to go insane. luckily, if i wake up tomorrow at 7 and start work on it at 7:45, i'll have a little over 8 hours to work on it. hopefully it won't take that long. :-(
Elisabeth 9:55 PM

 
one of the downfalls of being in college and going to school in a really liberal environment is that it seems like everyone except a select couple of people are against the war. it seems, however, 2-1 that americans support military action... according to usa today and gallop polls, anyway. as if finals weren't enough...

good luck with finals everyone.
Elisabeth 10:24 AM

Sunday, March 16

 
thankfully my paper is rolling along on its merry way. i am a very happy child. can't wait until tuesday is over...

what do you see when you close your eyes?
Elisabeth 9:00 PM

 
*note to self*: pick narrow subjects to write about.
Elisabeth 1:04 PM

 
ran a track meet yesterday... went better than expected, which is always a nice thing. my parents and sister also came, which made me one particularly happy camper. so for the first meet of the season, it wasn't too bad- race wasn't too bad, weather wasn't too bad... and places 1-8 scored... i scored 2 points! (yay for 7th place...) so annnnyway....

today is lots of studying. and a long run. but lots of studying! i slept soooooo well last night... too bad i got up at 7:30 to start studying. ack. :-) as soon as i finish my oatmeal, i'm hitting the books... well, not literally. and honesly there is only one book i need to look at and about a bazillion (yes, that is a made up number indicating "lots") pages of notes. i will be wonderfully happy after tuesday. :-)

plain oatmeal tastes so much better with some brown sugar in it... :-)
Elisabeth 8:00 AM

Friday, March 14

 
so life's alright right now. tomorrow we have our first meet of the season (finally!) and i don't think it is going to go so hot. tuesday i did my workout incorrectly and killed my legs, and then yesterday my run wasn't going so well and i accidentily but on purpose (a combo of both? is that possible?) ran a teensy bit too far. *wink* i'm screwed. :-)

had a most excellent dinner last night (thank you!!), and who can go wrong with that? :-) then i had this meeting to go to, worked on psychology, and talked to my absolutely horribly distracting roommate. :-) today, work work work! i MUST work on my paper... it is so not going. i mean, i have the ideas, i just can't get them to go! so this morning is all about psych, running ONLY 3 miles (i promise!!) showering, finishing (i hope!) psych, lunch with my roommate, meeting, fun with the photocopy machine (ack!) and then hopefully i can get my paper to start going. ahhhhh!!!! more than any of you needed to know about my day.

i did have something interesting to write about, but i forgot... like, i had something more than me complaining about my legs being tired and my seminar paper, but whatevah. i'll think of it eventually. oh, and i think you'll like this:

A WOMAN IS OFTEN
MEASURED by the things
she cannot control. she is measured
by the way her body
curves or doesn't curve. by
where she is flat or straight or
round. she is measured by 36-24-
36 and inches and ages and
numbers, by all the outside things
that don't ever add up to who
she is on the inside. and so if a
woman is to be measured, let
her be measured by the things
she can control, by who she is
and who she is trying to become.
because as every woman knows,
measurements are only statistics.
and STATISTICS LIE.
Elisabeth 8:29 AM

Wednesday, March 12

 
words words words... i need to switch majors...

today's interesting finding:
Guess The TV Show or Movie - Think of a tv show or movie name, and the computer will try to guess which one. Also try Guess the Dictator and/or Television Sit-Com Character.


Elisabeth 9:53 PM

 
okay, new addition to emeril, tom hanks, and DAVE... jon stewart. *smile* wow, what a man i got going here... ;-)
Elisabeth 8:42 PM

Tuesday, March 11

 
When everybody loves me, I will never be lonely
I want to be a lion
Everybody wants to pass as cats
We all want to be big big stars, but we got different
reasons for that
Believe in me because I don't believe in anything
and I want to be someone to believe
-Counting Crows
Elisabeth 12:41 PM

 
i'm never sleeping ever again.
Elisabeth 11:56 AM

 
i am trying to make this a good day... it will be a good day... it will be... fuck.

i am so glad i am not a white man in society.
Elisabeth 10:05 AM

Monday, March 10

 
ah, today involved ever so much reading. and i still have more reading to go! mmm... i feel like i should have something exciting to say, but i don't. no completely messed up dreams last night, just one where my parents were really angry with me. maybe that is my own guilt shining it's brilliantly happy face through my subconscious. and no, for all of you with inquiring minds, i don't think i have anything to be guilty about. it's just kind of a bonus feature i was born with, this overactive sense of guilt.

blogs are interesting little critters... i think they are a little like windows into someone's head- even if the blog isn't the most personal one in the world, it still captures a little something you can't get any other way... written voices can be, and often are, so much different than anything else you can get from a person. as a precuationary note however, don't use someone's blog/online journal as a substitute for actually finding out how someone is and what is going on in their lives.
Elisabeth 7:44 PM

 
*note to self*: do not talk to people when you are not all of the way awake.
Elisabeth 9:30 AM

Sunday, March 9

 
i should be working, but i am wasting the evening. i am going to go nuts later this week. oh well, it'll keep me working, yes?

i keep having these dreams... they are somewhat disturbing. i hate them, and they won't stop. i dislike having dreams involving people i know, because then i wake up and i, as in my dream, are angry with them, etc. it isn't real, but i can't stop these dreams. they are too vivid. i can't stop them...

today i am drained... but it is good. i am somewhat stable. :-)

and evidently my life is explained in the bottom of a jar of peanut butter. hmmm...
Elisabeth 9:06 PM

Saturday, March 8

 
yeah yeah, track fucking sucks. i am so fucking pissed right now! okay, i am being unrealistic... i ran 9 miles yesterday, drank last night (didn't get drunk, but whatever), stayed up until 4:30, got up at 9:30, ate pancakes, and expected to run fast my first "race" of the season. what the fuck. i am a moron.

i have decided i need to try and take better care of myself. my body is showing signs of not being happy with me, and it worries me to some degree. i would like to think that my body can handle a lot more than it really can... and then i wonder why i get tired and cranky and don't function correctly. i am a moron. :-)

really, i am just pissed about running a fucking slow time. but i looked cute last night, so it's all good. :-) maybe i'll walk to fairhaven and buy some soup with matzo balls and eat it for dinner. sounds good to me. adios. shower time.
Elisabeth 1:15 PM

 
ahh... my roommate dressed me tonight and i went out... and got more than one compliment on how i looked. i feel so much better than i did this morning. :-) this morning was just one of those days when no matter what you put on you just look HORRIBLE. so anyway... i went out and didn't really know anyone, which was interesting... it's much more fun to go out and hang out with people i know. :-) some guy walking past the computer i am at whistled. :-P haha, whatever.

it was one of my friends birthdays, and that was fun to go to . happy birthday... eat more cake! you have cake for days... :-)

ack, our track meet got cancelled!!!! i am so sad. :-( i was so geared up for it too. oh well... i guess we get to run a time trial instead (oh boy!!! riiight...) so goody. i'll be in great shape for that tomorrow... 9 miles today and going out tonight... haha. well, it doesn't really matter. i think i need to start taking better care of myself. i KNOW i need to start taking better care of myself. too bad it is so much effort.

okay, this really isn't going anywhere... maybe i'll go curl up on the couch and read one of the books i have for homework. :-) it's a novel, so i am not a total freak. just partially one. :-P 'night all...
Elisabeth 1:22 AM

Friday, March 7

 
to use one of my sister's favourite phrases... today i look like ass. :-P
Elisabeth 10:46 AM

Thursday, March 6

 
wow, i don't think i am going to sleep tonight. i was sooooo tired last night i went to bed and was asleep before 10! it was crazy. then i slept until 7:05 when my alarm went off. lordy. then i was STILL tired this afternoon, so i took a nap. :-( now i am set for the next several days. it's been an interesting night. :-)
Elisabeth 10:32 PM

 
mmm... i haven't written for a few days and thought i would relieve the dissapointment a lot of you must feel when you come here and oh, haven't written anything new. one of my friends is really consistent with updating. so... um, yeah. nothing really going on... for some reason my body thinks it is going to freeze to death, so i find myself turning on the heat in the room, closing the curtains, and hiding under the covers with a heating pad while wearing flannel pajamas. i'm surprised i don't just combust. i ate some soup for lunch, but then i drank some ice water (STUPID STUPID STUPID) so now i am really cold again. lordy, i'm a wimp. isn't it amusing?

tempo run today, joy of joys. then floor spaghetti feed that i am helping cook for (ack!), then lots of paper writing. i have a 3-5 page paper due tomorrow. and way too much psych to do for next week. yay for stress. :-P
Elisabeth 1:23 PM

Monday, March 3

 
i was brought a piece of cake tonight. i know he doesn't have the link to my journal, but that was really sweet. thank you for thinking of me.
Elisabeth 9:27 PM

Sunday, March 2

 
eeee... i went to the snow today! mmm... i did do a nice roll and my neck hurts a little now. :-) oh well... such is life. but it was so much fun to play in the snow! right now i am munching on carrots and waiting for this pizza in the oven to cook. homemade... never done it before, so hopefully it'll turn out well. right now we are to the point where we really don't care whether or not the damn crust is cooked and are going to start eating it in five minutes. which is okay with me. :-)

went to a party last night!!! oh, i was so excited. it was fun... except for the mardi gras bead thing. there was this guy who wasn't convinced i had "earned by beads."

drunk boy: did you earn those?
me: of course! (ed note: they were found on a table)
drunk boy: i don't believe you.
me: why not?
drunk boy: *thinks* i dont' know. how about you give me your beads and you can really earn them back.

wow, he was a winner. we are getting married next week. as long as his girlfriend doesn't mind... :-P

not too much else exciting going on. our room has been rearranged for the last time this year... i have made the executive decision. mostly because i decorated the part of the wall by my bed and i don't want to have to take all of the stupid things down until we have to move out. :-) it's a good arrangement. yeah.

pizza done yet?
Elisabeth 8:00 PM

Thursday, February 27

 
okay, remember my wish? it isn't going to come true. stupid chain emails...
Elisabeth 10:33 PM

 
I don't know what to think anymore
Maybe things will get better
Maybe things will look brighter
Maybe
-Sometimes, Grey Daze
Elisabeth 11:22 AM

Wednesday, February 26

 
i am optimistic... today might be a great day. i feel good. i like this feeling. i am feeling.
Elisabeth 10:59 AM

Tuesday, February 25

 
today does not seem as hopeless as yesterday.
Elisabeth 1:43 PM

Monday, February 24

 
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel...
-NIN
Elisabeth 9:52 PM

Saturday, February 22

 
sometimes i honestly feel like i am suffocating.
Elisabeth 8:39 PM

 
so last night i decided to try and cut off my thumb starting in the middle of the nail. with a knife, of course. oops. it wasn't a conscious choice, it just kind of happened... the knife slipped. maybe i am somehow trying to tell myself something?

i like being alone too much... being alone really doesn't bother me all that much, mostly because i have become fairly good at keeping myself entertianed via wasting lots of time.

last night went out, heard some good music, and hung out with some friends. it was good. today was good too. :-)

i had another thought, but i forgot what it was. ah, such is life. maybe i should do my laundry... my pants right now are three weeks dirty...
Elisabeth 3:29 PM

Thursday, February 20

 
9 months is way too long... and no, i am not pregnant. thank you. AND please boycott American Idol with me.
Elisabeth 8:43 PM

Monday, February 17

 
an online conversation word for word... the names have been changed.

me: i LOVE garlic
unnamed hateful boy: you're gross
unnamed hateful boy: who would want to kiss you?

a few moments later in the conversation...

unnamed hateful boy: you chase guys away with your garlic breath...
unnamed hateful boy: no wonder getting kissed isn't something you have to worry about!
unnamed hateful boy: hello!

*big grin* i would like to mention he did apologize. i just sent evil stares through the computer. maybe this is why i have not been kissed in so long...

my garlic bread to go with dinner is extra garlicky. :-P
Elisabeth 6:24 PM

Sunday, February 16

 
I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you
just enough to bring you down.

Trust me.
Elisabeth 5:09 PM

Saturday, February 15

 
this weekend doesn't seem to be a big one for blogging... i am so burnt on everything. i don't know... it's a struggle to do anything and everything- i am (momentarily) excited about track in 3 weeks. i don't think i am going to be ready, but i'll be more ready than last year. i at least have a good winter of training behind me. too bad our first meet is at cwu (pronounced "see-woo" by those who attend... yeah, i'm glad i don't go there too... *wink*), quite possibly one of the ickiest places possible. except a wind tunnel.

wrap me up in always, drag me in with maybes...

my valentine's day was pretty decent. nothing much happened... spent most of the night alone by choice. was feeling a little asocial, but that ia alright. nothing wrong with taking time for yourself every once in a while. i really could use a nap though... too bad we're going to dinner soon. like now. bye.
Elisabeth 5:23 PM

Thursday, February 13

 
Wide awake
and keeping distance from my soul.
I am scared like you.
Elisabeth 7:19 PM

 
i can't shake this feeling that something is dreadfully not right today. it isn't so bad now as it was when i woke up this morning and panicked all of the way to a pay phone at the gym to call my mom and make sure everything was okay (okay being a relative term) at home. i scaned the news, but nothing there. somehow i am caught in the web of my own paranoia. today is a very strange day.

i keep getting A's on all of my tests... i wish i understood why. not that i am complaining, but this is so fucked up.
Elisabeth 12:57 PM

Wednesday, February 12

 
the foot's a bit better today... in case you were wondering. provided i don't walk or run or move, it feels just like new!
Elisabeth 9:00 PM

Tuesday, February 11

 
damn all of you cute couples shopping at the grocery store. :-P and you know what else, FUCK FUCK FUCK my foot is swollen and it hurts FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Elisabeth 7:30 PM

 
well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
and lightness has a call that's hard to hear
i wrap my fear around me like a blanket
i sailed my ship of safety till i sank it
i'm crawling on your shores

-Closer to Fine, Indigo Girls
Elisabeth 9:01 AM

Saturday, February 8

 
i think my heart is breaking.
Elisabeth 8:16 PM

Friday, February 7

 
i am going to try very hard not to run today, but i cannot promise you anything. i want to run so badly... no, i won't run. i will not run. i'm just taking my day off a day early... i will run tomorrow and see how that goes. argh, i am sooooo stupid. argh!

nothing terribly exciting to report at the moment... heading home today. :-D see, if i don't run today, i get TWO days of running on SOFT trails at home. i should be HAPPY and want to take advantage of that... but i am not?

i always forget how comfortable my bed at home is, until i lie down on it. always more comfortable than i expect... which is great because i really need some sleep.

i don't understand how my weight stays at 116. not complaining or anything, it's just funny. hmmm... maybe i'll walk to the train station tonight... maybe get some coffee in fairhaven or something. to pass several hours before my stupid train comes. i am so mad!!! i am missing the drag show this weekend!!!!!!!!! but my roommate and suitemates are going... argh i am mad. i really really really wanted to go.

um, yeah. i think i lead a charmed life... or something. :-P A- on an english paper, baby!
Elisabeth 8:36 AM

Tuesday, February 4

 
you know what you are when you walk out on the street. you know that no one can see inside your head... hope that no one can anyway. they probably wouldn't like it if they knew...

you pull your raincoat around your body more tightly, best you can to shield against the bitter wind that cuts through your five layers you so carefully arranged just before you left. aren't you glad you went to all the effort of pulling out your winter underwear, just so it wouldn't work?

walking step by step, one by one, where are you going? up a hill, down a street, into a building, out of a door marked EXIT with big green glowing letters that faintly illuminate the hallway. where do you end up? back where you started...

it's just another day, just like any other... like yesterday, like tomorrow, like last week, like next week, month, year... circles, endless circles that make you dizzy. you grab onto a railing for support against the nauseating reality that confronts you...

snap back to reality- no one saw, you could have just stumbled.

sometimes it's too much, everything everywhere. somewhere, you think, someone is dying, someone is starving, someone is crying, someone is making love, someone is just beginning their circular journey throgh life... and i have a raincoat and pathetic underwear.
Elisabeth 10:00 PM

 
today i existed in a fog so thick i couldn't see much. i went through the motions of learning and it was really pointless for me to do anything at all. on the other hand, i think shoe twin is more interesting as the quarter goes by... although i don't think i am totally unnoticed, i don't think i am noticed enough. oh well, we have a common shoe bond and that is good.

i am missing the drag show this year!! on the bright side, it means i won't get depressed knowing there are some guys out there who look better in a skirt than i ever will.

first my left foot, and now my right foot. fuck running... tonight for dinner carrots, chicken broth, and stewed tomatoes. i like chicken broth a hell of a lot more than beef broth.

i am tired of being guilt tripped...

too much to do tonight. but it'll be okay.
Elisabeth 7:14 PM

Monday, February 3

 
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. You will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a
brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, $5,000 for a male brain, and $200
for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled
at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female,brains, because they've actually been used."

LOL :-)

:36, :36, :36, :36, :36, :37, :36, :36, :35, :35, :36, :33
Elisabeth 9:44 PM

 
i ran 50 miles last week, and am dropping that a bit this week. running takes up just way too much time, i think. i am sitting here trying to become functional- i just ate breakfast. a granola bar, 5 dried apricots, and some almonds. workout today, workout today, workout today... i am brewing some orange spice tea... and i have soup tonight for dinner.

i have a short little one page assignment i am supposed to be doing right now... i guess. no, i should be doing it. i am listening to matchbox twenty or 20 or whatever the hell they use... they switched somewhere in there. "it's been a long day..."

i am all confused about life and everything... but then i just had the realization so is just about everyone else. i don't care if this thing doesn't make sense. it's not supposed to.

and my wish still hasn't come true... 96 hours what? well... i set a pretty big time limit on my wish (the end of the month) so i guess i have a ways to go still... but it (hahahaha, the chain email!) said it would start coming true in 96 hours. um... i guess i have until tomorrow afternoon to see signs of improvement? :-P normally i don't make wishes because unlike many people's wishes, mine actually come true. but they come true in a really fucked up scary way... thought i would give it a shot. whatever. tea's ready.

i think it is too much to ask that i just sleep.
Elisabeth 9:45 AM